Confession in the time of corona virus

I need to confess something, I have gotten nothing much done, since march.

That's not entirely true I have gotten a few small projects done, they were mostly in flight already and finishing them was fairly easy. There are more of those kinds of things in progress.

You know the kind if thing I'm talking about, those UFOs that you put away because they got boring or some new shiny thing grabbed your attention away and you forgot about, it found it later, then put it away, because you were on a roll with something else. And masks, lots of masks.

I am finding it hard to get motivated to do much of anything, since march and that, bugs me.

I feel like I am using this Pandemic lock down, as an excuse to loaf around the house feeling.....

What, exactly?

Anxious? Yes, I'm in the "youngish but" category, with underlying conditions and older family members with core issues, so, we are staying home until there is a vaccine, no matter how long that takes.

My DDH is able to work from home so we are fine financially. Our home dynamic has changed but not by too much, in fact its been lovely to have lunch together every day.

Overwhelmed? Yes but, I read as many peer reviews as I can and listen to the experts, a little common sense, stay home, wash hands, wear a mask, etc.

 

Stressed? Probably, I have children in their 20's who are out in the world doing their thing and I worry about their safety, We haven't been able to hug each other or be close and that has been a strain on all of us. When this one needs a talk or that one needs comfort, they come to mom. From 6' apart on the porch, it's hard to comfort but at least I can see them, talk with them, smile at them, so its not all bad.

Tired? Yes, strangely listless. I feel drained by every new news story, every conversation, every intrusion on my peace. It's all too much, I am tired of it. I used to listen to the radio on NPR and the news nightly to keep abreast of the world and now, I can't. This is not a new phenomenon for me it's been, since this last election, i just cant listen to another broadcast of "What has he said now!" I just can't. Keeping up with it is exhausting and frustrating because these people should know better, BE better than this.

Frightened? No, not really. This isn't the dark ages or even the turn of the century. Medicine has gotten so advanced, we can cure so many things now that would have seemed like miracles 100 years ago. I read history, historical fiction and we are so spoiled now-a-days! Mothers rarely die in childbirth any more, Most childhood diseases are curable with vaccines so most of our kids reach adulthood, barring something catastrophic. We have, for the most part better access to better food and we live longer more productive lives than ever before in history, so in many respects we are blessed to live now.

I've been reading up on my history of this country,  not what we learned in school, the real history of America. The stuff you only learn when you hit graduate school and you have to dig.

There have been so many turning points in this country where, we should have done better but went the greedy path instead because it was either easy, expedient or racist. We are only taught the good parts of our history, in school and it's important to know the mistakes too, how they impact and inform the future.

Angry? Oh yes! Very! This could have been prepared for, was prepared for, by the previous administration only to be dismantled and swept away thoughtlessly by what has to be the most corrupt administration since Nixon. I will not blame the whole thing on one man, because for a screw up this big, there had to be a committee! The whole stinking thing has become rotten. I'm still deciding if it's like cheese, where you can cut off the bad bits and it's still good underneath or fish. Rotten to the core and we must throw the whole thing away. I've been leaning towards fish.

So anyway, Going back to my original sentence before it got out of hand, I was feeling guilty for not doing much in the way of quilting, but it looks like I have been doing more than, "just moping around the house." I have been deeply thinking about life. It just looks like not much, but is in fact, work.

If you are at all interested

Reading list:

Heather cox Richardson -   How the south won the civil war

                                            How to make men free

                                            The death of reconstruction                    

she also has a video lecture series on facebook, you can look her up by name, I highly recommend it        

Howard Zinn - The peoples history of the United States

James Baldwin - The fire next time

Dee Brown - Bury my heart at Wounded Knee

Daniel Dennett - Darwin's dangerous Idea

                            Breaking the spell