Confession in the time of corona virus

I need to confess something, I have gotten nothing much done, since march.

That's not entirely true I have gotten a few small projects done, they were mostly in flight already and finishing them was fairly easy. There are more of those kinds of things in progress.

You know the kind if thing I'm talking about, those UFOs that you put away because they got boring or some new shiny thing grabbed your attention away and you forgot about, it found it later, then put it away, because you were on a roll with something else. And masks, lots of masks.

I am finding it hard to get motivated to do much of anything, since march and that, bugs me.

I feel like I am using this Pandemic lock down, as an excuse to loaf around the house feeling.....

What, exactly?

Anxious? Yes, I'm in the "youngish but" category, with underlying conditions and older family members with core issues, so, we are staying home until there is a vaccine, no matter how long that takes.

My DDH is able to work from home so we are fine financially. Our home dynamic has changed but not by too much, in fact its been lovely to have lunch together every day.

Overwhelmed? Yes but, I read as many peer reviews as I can and listen to the experts, a little common sense, stay home, wash hands, wear a mask, etc.

 

Stressed? Probably, I have children in their 20's who are out in the world doing their thing and I worry about their safety, We haven't been able to hug each other or be close and that has been a strain on all of us. When this one needs a talk or that one needs comfort, they come to mom. From 6' apart on the porch, it's hard to comfort but at least I can see them, talk with them, smile at them, so its not all bad.

Tired? Yes, strangely listless. I feel drained by every new news story, every conversation, every intrusion on my peace. It's all too much, I am tired of it. I used to listen to the radio on NPR and the news nightly to keep abreast of the world and now, I can't. This is not a new phenomenon for me it's been, since this last election, i just cant listen to another broadcast of "What has he said now!" I just can't. Keeping up with it is exhausting and frustrating because these people should know better, BE better than this.

Frightened? No, not really. This isn't the dark ages or even the turn of the century. Medicine has gotten so advanced, we can cure so many things now that would have seemed like miracles 100 years ago. I read history, historical fiction and we are so spoiled now-a-days! Mothers rarely die in childbirth any more, Most childhood diseases are curable with vaccines so most of our kids reach adulthood, barring something catastrophic. We have, for the most part better access to better food and we live longer more productive lives than ever before in history, so in many respects we are blessed to live now.

I've been reading up on my history of this country,  not what we learned in school, the real history of America. The stuff you only learn when you hit graduate school and you have to dig.

There have been so many turning points in this country where, we should have done better but went the greedy path instead because it was either easy, expedient or racist. We are only taught the good parts of our history, in school and it's important to know the mistakes too, how they impact and inform the future.

Angry? Oh yes! Very! This could have been prepared for, was prepared for, by the previous administration only to be dismantled and swept away thoughtlessly by what has to be the most corrupt administration since Nixon. I will not blame the whole thing on one man, because for a screw up this big, there had to be a committee! The whole stinking thing has become rotten. I'm still deciding if it's like cheese, where you can cut off the bad bits and it's still good underneath or fish. Rotten to the core and we must throw the whole thing away. I've been leaning towards fish.

So anyway, Going back to my original sentence before it got out of hand, I was feeling guilty for not doing much in the way of quilting, but it looks like I have been doing more than, "just moping around the house." I have been deeply thinking about life. It just looks like not much, but is in fact, work.

If you are at all interested

Reading list:

Heather cox Richardson -   How the south won the civil war

                                            How to make men free

                                            The death of reconstruction                    

she also has a video lecture series on facebook, you can look her up by name, I highly recommend it        

Howard Zinn - The peoples history of the United States

James Baldwin - The fire next time

Dee Brown - Bury my heart at Wounded Knee

Daniel Dennett - Darwin's dangerous Idea

                            Breaking the spell

A nesting pair

The fuchsias in question out the window

There is a nesting pair of dark-eyed junco the GNW's  all around sparrow type. They are currently nesting in a fuchsia basket I bought recently, I placed it on our back porch close to the doors so I can watch the hummingbirds feed when it blooms. Looks like there will be more on view than I originally thought! I wonder how they will behave when the hummers come to feed?  Hummers don't generally care how big you are if your close to a food source, when they want to feed, 2oz of pointy death are not scared of you! they will fight you if in the way!
The first I knew of them, mamma junco was yelling at me from all over the pergola, when I went on the back porch to water. At that point I had no idea what she was yelling at me for, other than I was too close to her nest. It took a few more days to realize where that nest was.
I don't know if I scared them or not, they could be building or moving their nest, now that I have disturbed them as there is a lot of activity to and from with, bundles each way.
It's been raining off and on for the last few days so there is no need to water but I go out on the porch to "inspect"things passing by their spot so they get used to my presents on the porch.
Though It would be nice to use the porch if and when it ever decides to be sunny again, keeping an eye out for this nesting pair will be interesting.

I hope I haven't scared them away!


 Almost finished this panel from one of my Hawaii shop-hop crawls a few years ago. It just needs on more beak and some eyes on all my birds.

Now that the Lilacs have departed, there are Columbines  to put in my little bud vase.

And look what the fairies gifted me!

I found this on top of a bed in desperate need of weeding "en plein air" right on top as if placed there so I would find it right away.

Poor deer has been dead for some time. I wonder if it was a part of "the wild hunt"?

Dealing with life in the time of carona

That's all we need, right, a way of doing things. A way to think or behave, until we have more information so we can improve, the way we think and behave.
Something that has always made it easier for me to create, is to think of a person I am creating for, or the story I am trying to tell.    I have always been good at telling myself stories, of finding a fabric or a bead or a picture, that triggers something and I can see what it will become.
It is an integral part of my creative process and my stories have dried up.

All this uncertainty in the world, the dangerous, not danger, we all seem to be in. The News reporting, with its constant reiteration of what we have already heard, might be peppered with some new fact but it just as well might be the same as yesterday.
The constant pronouncements of, "Nah! It'll all blow over and we can get back to normal, tomorrow!" Coming from a WH, where we have been programmed to think the best news comes from and is right now betraying our trust in it, on a daily basis. Is only adding to the uncertainty we all feel.
The worry that our loved ones might get this and they might die but maybe not.
We now all live in a Schrödinger world

I know the science behind this Novel Corona virus. I understand it is brand spanking new and we have no immunity to it, which is why we should be taking all the precautions we are taking.
I also understand how, in this day and age, we feel we as a society have progressed so far, our science is so advanced, we should have come together and fixed this by now, right?
I mean whats the use of all this advanced technology, if we cant just whip up a cure at a moments notice?  TV cop shows and Hospital dramas tell us daily DNA analysis and labs come back within the hour and the crime or disease is solved, by the end of the show. Magic!

 And there is probably where we get all caught up in, what we think we know, about how science works. MAAAAP! No. That is TV science, there for the entertainment of you so our heroes keep you coming back, week after week. Real science takes time.
Real science it hit or miss, mostly miss. If we are very lucky and some much smarter than I am person, hits on the solution, It will still be months before there is a solution. Any pie-in-the-sky reporting or pontificating from the podium on a daily basis o0, will only make you more anxious than you need to be.

Right now our monkey brains are overloaded with, Danger, Danger, Danger Will Robinson!
And we are all quietly panicking about ourselves, our loved ones, our friends and our world and there is nothing we can really do about it. Because as advanced as we have become and as smart as we all are, with the amazing technology we have at our finger tips. We are still just monkey's.

So after all that what is my solution? How do we stop the panic? How do we cope with this new scary world? My way might not be your way but I go find something else to pay attention to.
Something not news.
Since I cant seem to find the brain-space to read or sew, I garden, clean the house, again.
Listen to music, I watch TV or waste time on you tube. I try to give myself a break from the nagging at the back of my head that keeps telling me, I'm not doing anything useful or worthwhile.
Mostly because none of us are doing anything useful or worthwhile either, it kinda takes some of the edge off not creating. So give your monkey brain a rest, and give yourself a break.
After all when was the last time you were told you could help save the world, by staying home, doing nothing?