Build up

So! You know how things have a habit of building up in your brain, just waiting for the perfect moment to strike?
Yeah.
This is where I'm at right now.
That's not to say any of it is bad, These are just things I've been putting off thinking about for a while.
To start:
My youngest has moved out, leaving me childless for the first time in 28 years.
Empty-nest syndrome is a thing folks!
On the one hand, I'm thrilled she is venturing out into the world to make her own way in it! Slightly less thrilled she moved in with her boyfriend. He's a lovely boy and  I love him to pieces and she  does need a room mate BUT. Insert attack of the mommy "what if's, that will probably happen because I've been there" here.
On the other hand I miss my baby-girl! She's too young (No.... she's 21, really Flora?) Now what do I do?

Apparently ferry My MIL around to do her shopping. Also to her various doctors, for her health and fitness, and general care and maintenance. Since she moved here from Chicago, that has been taking up a lot of my time lately. She needs a cardiologist and a dental surgeon and new glasses and, and, and.
I don't mind all this it just cut into my sewing time, as in I don't get much, anymore.
I have finished a bunch of hand work things, since I have been populating the waiting rooms of several different facilities lately and will probably finish a few more, as we aren't done yet.

I am missing the long arm/quilt guild work, but I haven't had the head space for it.
All in all not earth shattering things, just mess up my routine, things.

Dad at the Lincoln park conservatory 1966

As everything is changing on me, pent up feelings about my dads death, 19 years ago, are roiling around my head.
He and my mother divorced when I was 2.  He went back to live in Lacrosse, mom and I stayed in Chicago and because of that, we weren't close. 
We were just starting to connect more after my children were born, but I find myself sad that we didn't get to know each other better.
Since his death, I have gotten to know his side of the family a little more. I correspond with my step-sister, one of my uncles and a couple of cousins fairly regularly.

What caught me off guard was not knowing that my father loved Gnomes at christmas time. Silly of me, IK but, then I started to think of all the other things I didn't know about him, everyday simple things one should know about a parent, how he liked his steak, favorite color, season etc.

Dad & I 1986

So, I got sad for a while. Then I talked to my sea-star (step-sister) and we talked. 

Through her I am getting to know the kindhearted gentile man, who was my dad.
Steak-rare, with a good scotch or an old-fashioned. Thanksgiving and Christmas, he was a sneaky present giver, Things hiding in/behind things.
He liked Jazz and classical music, the color blue and going for long rambling walk and talks.
I take solace in knowing all the things I missed out on. That my sea-star got to enjoy, because I wasn't there.

 At least someone loved him back the way I couldn't.