To our everlasting shame

I have been very quiet as of late, watching our country disintegrate into an steaming rusted dumpster fire rolling downhill into a asylum full of orphans and fluffy bunnies

 Now to our everlasting shame we are embroiled in this shit-show of a presidency. Buckle up Babycakes this is going to be a rant of pent up epic rage. So if you don't want to be triggered please go someplace else this is not a safe page today unless you too are mad as hell and aren't goin to take it anymore.

May we pull the ship-of-state out of its tail-spin before we crash-and-burn? Who knows it's still to early to tell though it does look like someone has woken up from their business-as-usual coma, at least. 

I won't even get too far into just how obscene it is that the only thing that seems to move the needle these days because its Not the stripping of constitutionally mandated rights by the president and the rubber stamping by his supreme court, no that would be bad enough, remember when we were loosing our shit, when he was just saying he liked to grab 'em? *Sigh* halcyon days. Not the systemic world wide human trafficking ring, selling the rape and torture of women and children, Which BTW IS an actual Manchurian candidate situation, * she said rubbing her temples in frustration* no that's not bad enough. The 34 or is it 35 now state sanctioned federal murders? nope still not bad enough. It is the possibility that somebodies name might just pop up in that thrice-be-damned file! What THe Actual Fuck!

There is no hell because all the devils are here

It’s already going to take three maybe four decades, on the optimistic side, to recover some semblance of dignity from this utter fucking clown-car of destiny. Though it was always going here as long as we appeased the republicans and the religious right, whilst everyone took money from corporate interests to pontificate on "how wonderful being US" it is! In one breath and turn around and undermine the country in congress and the press, in the next. Their big lie being "Why Should We Apologize for anything? We have Never done Anything Wrong!" BullShit!

The question isn't why do I make my opinions known about all of this crap, It is why don't you?                 This is important stuff for our country. How we treat the people in our country is important.                        As Lincoln said A treats B so but treat C thus, Where does it end?

Better Intellects than I have already made all these arguments already, but it seems up to we the people to

 drag them out and give them a good shake in the disinfectant of sunlight. 

As they have been hidden in the back of a basement cupboard too long. Truth will out.

So there that's my Linda Blaire moment.

Showers are on the left, soap is on the shelf and fresh Towels are in the cupboard.

Don't mind the cat he likes to watch, we know, he's weird. 

Seasons Greetings!

Happy Yule Tide Everyone!

 

This year I am grateful for Dolly Parton and Taylor Swift.

I think these two smart, capable, talented women are, single handedly, saving the countries sanity.

I'm pushing 60 and whilst 60 hasn't started pushing back too hard yet, I look at Dolly.                       Who at 80 is still going strong. I look at what she has accomplished in her long glorious career and marvel at her energy. The people she has helped, lifted up or just brought a little joy to, with her charities, her music, her movies and TV shows and Dollywood which revitalized her home town and brought overdue jobs to the area so her people could lift their own selves up.  

If that doesn't inspire you There's Taylor.                                                                                                She is herself everyday and shows her fans by example, how to navigate in a world not made for women, to be strong in and they love her for it.                                                                                            I love her determination to be herself in front of the world, which is cruel to it's icons, doesn't accept imperfections and usually tears them to shreds for the slightest mistakes. Taylor has been open and honest about her struggles, she shows her fans the "warts and all". Who in spite of her labels betrayal of selling her masters out from under her, got the best revenge, in the history of revenge and looks classy doing it.  At 33 she is very smart, the savvy way in which she is navigating the world has been a joy to watch, her fresh face, creating anticipation and community for her fans, having fun doing it and she is just getting started.

This is what two very strong willed smart, talented women are able to accomplish, in spite of the social system they grew up in. None of their accomplishments were handed to them either, they fought hard for the right to be themselves in an industry that likes to exploit their talent for the biggest payday, then toss them aside bent and broken, instead of nurturing it. 

Now imagine a world where everyone got the support they needed to accomplish their joy, not in spite of their surrounding society but because of it? If we gave every one the support they needed to succeed, what couldn't we accomplish?

 Personally Fame looks exhausting to me, all the running around to do and promote and get yourself in front of ears and eyes and attention spans the size of a goldfish. It's the kindness with which these women do what they do, that I see. The kindness to their fans and the people around them, it's not "part of the act" They are genuinely themselves, thoughtful and kind.

Our nation needs them so much right now, I need their bright shiny goodness to go out in the world as an anodyne to the hate trying to tear it apart. It's a bit much to put on their head alone, we need our bright shiny people, To show us a better way. Let us protect them so they can continue to be shiny.

It's been a long dry summer

 It's been a long dry summer, 

full of dire portends for the future and 

small signs that "crazy"season may be on the wain

One can only hope.

Meanwhile there are things that need to be done

That all seem to be stuck somewhere in the middle

We started to cut down a few of our "inconvenient" trees this year back in may.

Intending to get them down and dusted by the end of June

Which didn't happen

What did happen was we discovered the poplars on the north side of the property are dead, 

getting punky and need to be torn down 

before they fall down.

Note to self; More plants may be satisfying for a while

and gorgeous 

but they do need to be watered every day

Sometimes twice a day when the weather doesn't cooperate,

Which it hasn't

So we galloped off to get us some estimates

Easy-Peasy right?

no 

You see the poplars are close to 80' tall

3 of the tree guys wouldn't even give us an estimate

the other 3 were varying degrees of almost $10,000 per tree.

because they would have to rent the equipment.

I'm sorry, what, what now?

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

This in turn triggered the insurance company to decide they wouldn't renew our insurance based on a fuzzy satellite view google maps pictures, 

so now (mid July) they want us to do their job with aerial photos to prove to them our house isn't a fire hazard    -.-

Throw in moss remediation on both roofs, ugh. 

and ick,   there is now dust and moss crap everywhere, 

Making sewing outside is impossible. So much for my happy spot this year

I sublimated my rage at the wood pile ^

It now stretches the length of the house and

Is about shoulder height

Since the insurance was being a prat we decided 

in addition to the front trees 

We would get down all the dead branches in the cedars along the western fence.

there are 25 of them so it took a minute.

The wood pile grew to a second wall along the driveway

which isn't finished yet

< this used to be a nice little cedar privacy wall,

40+ years ago.

It also started out on the neighbors property....

Guess who's problem it is now.....-.-

Anywho, we finally got the insurance company to renew,

 We have found a tree guy who already owns a ladder truck for the poplars so it doesn't cost the world to remove, yay!

Both my yards are still full of 

tree limbs and brush but that will be removed soon too. Also, yay! 

My inner German was beginning to despair of it ever getting tidy again.

On the good news front we have plenty of wood for us and the kids to run the fire place for the foreseeable future, if they would only come get some of it.

And my mulch pile is about to get epic.

New Stove

So this is what I have been staring at since June 14th

Lovely right?

Yes, I did cover it with a stray piece of  wood, but still.

4 months without a stove is.................Difficult

Isn't she pretty!!

There are so many little things you do on a stove that you just can't duplicate anywhere else.

I now have a new appreciation for the humble stove

I did not have before and in fact took it for granted 

to such a degree, it took a month to not be surprised it was no longer there and another month to readjust my cooking to reflect its loss

I ended up, after a week of boiling water in a microwave, buying an electric kettle.

Eggs become vEry difficult

Don't get me started on sauteing, melting butter, searing and browning meat.

All things I do so regularly that not having a stove was crimping my style, not to mention my menu!

Thank goodness we went on a 3 week vacation, in the middle of this or I would have been driven spare!

Though the story is still fraught with OMG. This is nOt the stove we ordered from Lowes.

ThAt stove has yet to arrive, is still vaoprware, as far as I can tell

 because its delivery got pushed out yet another 2 weeks.     O0!!!

So! Needles to say We got fed up. When needs must Amazon to the rescue!

Lowes called remanded our deliver two more weeks on Sunday, so we sat in front of the computer for a couple of hours contrasting and comparing what amazon had and got our stove 3 FREAKING DAYS later on Wednesday promptly at 1pm.

A trip to the hardware store, not lowes or home desperate because they are useless, we are all set up and cooking! Yay!

This is why Amazon is eating peoples lunch. When the local's you try to use, give you no recourse and no feed back, both customer service departments on line, on phone and in store, suck hairy balls, I will truck with the evil empire.

 

Some day my stove will come

** Rant Alert *** Rant Alert **

 So my hypothetical stove,

That we bought July 14th

Has a new delivery date 

Which has been moved back,

 Again

From the original of August 14th, 

Which is why we bought the stupid thing in the first place!   It's availability.  In august.

 to August 28th,

 September 11

(I know, great date huh, what could go wrong?)

 and to now September 28th.

Now, I was willing, to buy a stove I knew they didn't have until late august, that seemed understandable, given the supply line issues the country is experiencing.

But this is getting ridiculous

It begs the question; Why are stores selling vaporware?

Why are they allowed to sell and promise items, in their stores, that they clearly don't have on hand?

Why are we, as consumers, letting the big corporations get away with this shit, with nary a whimper?

 frankly folks, I am desperate for some over easy eggs,

That I don't have to go outside and make on a camp stove, is that really too much to ask?

A sad day in Woodinville.  Our best Quilt store is closing.

She managed to stay open in the middle of Woodenville Wine country when all around her were being pushed away in favor of more tasting rooms. She survived and thrived moving to a smaller store. 

Her heroic efforts to stay open and useful in the community, during covid, should have gotten her a medal for community service! She organized a fearful bunch of nattering sewers, to make hundreds of thousands of masks. When no one could find them for love or money, She coordinated us and made sure we knew how to make them so they were sturdy and filtered, then donated them all to local elderly shelters, hospitals and first responders, so no one would go "Naked" in the crisis. This is how you "grass roots" the heck out of a horrible situation!

Here is where I found my tribe in Washington and spent may hours learning creating, teaching and laughing with friends. When I absolutely could not "people" She understood. I could go there and still feel wanted and needed for my skills. She encouraged me to teach when I didn't think I could and encouraged me to join the local guild, where I could be useful to that community also. If it weren't for her delicate size 8's in my posterior, I would not have published 3 magazine articles or stood up before the entire guild to share my passion for Crazy Quilting or give a speech. 

 Susan has been a cornerstone of our quilting community, a bulwark in tough times and a encouraging person who is generous to a fault. Her store was our beacon, a haven of pretty fabric, new ideas and cheerful discourse. She had the best taste in color and fabric and her hand on the pulse of our community, where we were all welcome and inspired to bigger better things.

She brought us all together, when times were bleak and the rest of us didn't know what to do, but she did.

She will be missed by all of us.

If other's don't suffer.

We have the best medical care in the world, 

IF YOU CAN PAY FOR IT

But that is the point for these people isn't it.

I can't be seen to be winning, if you don't loose.

I can't have the best, if you can have it too.

My wealth and privilege, isn't as satisfying if other's don't suffer.

My piety, isn't as heavenly, if other's don't suffer.

My control, over those beneath my contempt isn't as pleasurable, if other's don't suffer. 

If other's don't suffer. 

If other's don't suffer.

If other's don't suffer.

If other's don't suffer.

If other's don't suffer.

If other's don't suffer.

If other's don't suffer.

"Perfection" the creativity killer

 Some one has accused my needlework of being "Precise and Perfect". *

While I have no issue with "Precise" being attached to my efforts, "Perfect" bothers me.

And its not that I don't strive for, if not "Perfection", than at least a clean line, a tidy stitch or something resembling "Precision". 

As a word applied to myself "precision" bothers me much less than "Perfection".

Why is that?

I have found precision through many hours of practice. This is a word, I can own and incorporate in reference to myself and not feel arrogance or conceit, because I have earned it.

But "Perfection" bothers me.

While nature strives for symmetry, "Perfection" in nature looks wrong. You have but to look at any manufactured thing to see that. Silk flowers, when put next to real ones, look stiff, fake because of their perfection, their sameness. I do not strive for it, in fact I will actively rail against it in class and my own work. What I strive for in my own art is more symmetry and balance,

Even the human face is not "Perfect" one eye or the ear is always lower than the other or a cheek is fuller. and no two are the same even in identical twins but symmetry is everywhere.

When I teach, I specifically rail against "Perfection". It has no place in a classroom where people are learning a new skill.  

"Perfection" is the creativity killer. I call on my students to refrain from their temptations, to rip out their own hard work, because it is not "Perfect". They are learning a new skill, of course it is not perfect!

If they rip it out, every time a stitch is not perfect, they will spend more time in the UNdoing than the doing and possibly enjoy WHAT they are doing less, than if they leave it and move on to the next stitch.

Besides when you are learning something, like embroidery, it is sometimes helpful to go back and look at that first attempt, see how far you have come. I know painters do this, they discover things in an old piece that they may go back to because of an idea, a line or a clarity, they may have grown out of in time and may find useful later.

"Perfect Ideals" have no place and in fact become stifling and oppressive to creativity, in a classroom dedicated to teaching and learning an art of any kind.

I hear the phrase "But it's not Perfect" from my students, so often as they become disappointed in their own progress, as if they should have mastered this skill the minute they picked up the tools! It makes me want to cry and scream at the same time. 

Would you expect to be able to fix your sink, the first time you pick up a wrench? Of course not. Don't be silly. So why would you expect skill at needlepoint not be the same? 

I have a few ideas on that and it is a rant'n'rave  mumble, mumble puritan ethic/toxic patriarchy, for another time I think.

 I feel wholeheartedly in fact, that "Perfection" as a word, should be banned from our creative crafty places. Love yourself enough to give yourself that space and love your craft enough, that making mistakes, is placed where it should live, as part of the learning process and not as an aid to put it down or be disappointed in it, because it is not "Perfect".

*Thank you Sandy, for your lovely comment. I do appreciate it. I hope you do not feel ganged up on, that is not my intent. This Random thought parade has nothing to do with your sweet and kind words and everything to do with my own reaction to them.

Listen to this podcast which aired october 16 2021 with Patricia Nguyen of Thistle Threds in which they discuss much of what this post is about. Good to know I'm not the only one thinking about this AND I'm not the only one with projects all over the house! Listen to the whole thing, It's encouraging and insightful.

https://wetalkfiber.com/2021/10/16/fiber-talk-with-patricia-nguyen-ii/

I have worked on nothing

 I have worked on nothing

                                                For months

It's been a full week since the mango menace was replaced by calmer and saner governing but I am Still mentally exhausted. 

I have started a quilt project that I will finish but it is frustrating that it is taking me so long to get it together. Gathering the fabric took a month, design took another 2 weeks, I cut some of the fabric but now I need just a little more fabric and one more ruler (fuck) to finish cutting so I have started assembling what I have so far and I only seem to be able to concentrate on it for a few hours at a time.

I don't know about you all but this is pissing me off. Except that I really have nothing to be pissed off about. Which then confuses me and leads to hours of binge watching Mrs. Mazel and now I've run out of Mrs. Mazel. *Sigh*

Then I remember this is how I felt after I divorced my first husband. Well damn. 

If any of you are having this kind of reaction to life, You are not broken. Take a breath. 

Talking it all out helps. I know it makes you feel stupid because, really, just how much did the administration change our lives? I mean aside from the pandemic.

Find your quiet happy place and stop beating yourself up for not being productive.

You are feeling the after effects of having been in an abusive relationship. 

How's that? 

the last 4 years were an ever escalating circus of badness that none of us was able to get away from. Everywhere you turned, there it was, Breaking news of "Ohgodwhathashedonenow?" And it was all over the place, tv, radio, news feeds facebook, instagram, music radio, the corner store, word of mouth. You couldn't get away from it, It followed you, even if you unplugged! 

Ever increasing levels of anxiety, no matter what they are and how they affect one personally, raise the levels of hormones in the brain/body and when that stimuli is gone, tend to leave one in a state of exhaustion. When this pattern goes on for a sustained period of time, The brain/body gets used to that level of hormones. When something is removed and the level of hormones is dropped, it leaves one feeling fatigued for a period of time and recovery is required to return to a state of new normal.

No wonder some of us still feel fatigued.

So I take it out on myself, well I need to stop that and so do you all, if you are feeling the same way.

Please. 

 

Goodby 2020

Do not read if you are at all politically sensitive.

This post has nothing to do with anything I normally post, feel free to ignore it. This screed is me venting, if you are offended at the things I say here, too bad. 

Go away, I really don't need you as a follower and I am not interested in why I am wrong.  

You have been warned. Don't make me say "I told you so" It won't be pretty.

 

As we bid adiue to this Zeno's paradox of a year let us look back on and say goodby to, where we hoped we would be by now, as a society as well as goodby to the year that never ended as well.

I think it's a forgone conclusion that we are all, not where we thought we would be.

As I look back from my dining room table, in yoga pants hugging a cuppa, I am struck by all the things that haven't come to pass. As a child I was told the future would be a utopia. My parents insisted things would get better, My mother and I fought and protested for things to get better and they did, for a while. It was a dream, a fever dream as it turns out. Reality is cold comfort where I get to watch my children struggle for the basics and get smacked down again and again. They were supposed to be able to do better than I did. Watching them struggle to make ends meet in the most basic of ways, breaks my heart.

For a while we made incremental progress towards that future but for every step forward societaly we seemed to take 3 giant steps back governmentaly. Until the two were diametrically opposed and here we are, to the now. The now of not having gotten to Mars, no flying cars, no utopic nearing star trek society where everyone gets a seat, no equality of opportunity for people of color or women and in fact things seem to be going backwards. To the point of needing to protest the same god damned things Mother and I protested for in the 60's through the 80's. Say what you want about the hippy dippy 60's generation, their dream of everyone participates, with no strings and their willingness to protest for it, was a beautiful thing. Even if they had no follow through.

To say it has been a frustrating time is to understate it, bigley. And god, do I hate that there are things that will be said, for the rest of my life, that will point back to this fucking terrible administration. This illegitimate, corrupt, greedy, idiotic, ignorant, willfully stupid and yes, evil, administration. The whole thing and everyone in it is a bad actor. The fact that at least 48% of the nation thinks this is just fine tells me we are in for a very bad time, for much longer than anyone anticipates. Simply because these, ignorant neanderthals, will hold us back from the innovation we need to push forward, to the future that is just there.

Biden is a ray of sunshine but at this point I am so jaded on the possibility that a government for the people is even possible, I don't trust any of them. Especially not at this hour, when the pain and suffering of the last 4 years has been so perpetuated by the republican party and the pansies on the left, who say all the right things then think they can "Negotiate" with them. It smells like caving to compromise on anything and we the people always seem to get the short end. It is disheartening in the extreme to have tried to do all the "right" things in the "right"way to get ahead only to be told they weren't actually the right "right" things, were not enough, or to have the goalposts moved, again. 

I am sick of this shit!

I am sick of old white men who are so fucking afraid of sharing power, with Gasp, the other 60% of the population, the future and the fact that they are no longer the authority on everything, that they sabotage the entire country! I don't understand this mindset, that is so selfish, that they would destroy something rather than share. To what end? Who benefits if the world burns? That 48% of the population, that votes, is willing to tapdance into hell after them is frightening. and what the hell is wrong with at east 30% of the population who doesn't even vote? What the actual hell? 

I have never, in my life, been harmed by being kind,  by sharing what I have with someone, or by being polite. So what is up with this attitude of "Fuck you I've got mine" that seems to prevail over the country? I will never understand why this administration has not been condemned, in the strongest possible terms, by everyone unconditionally. Especially when you Know, if this was a democratic administration, it would have been pilloried and set on fire by now. These people need to be rounded up prosecuted, to the fullest extent of the law and if there are no laws to cover this, we need to make them so this NEVER happens again.

So Flora, tell us how you really feel.............. I told you you didn't have to read this, that I was venting.

I may even write it all down long hand and burn it, just to get rid of this sick feeling of trapped exploitation and gaslighting, that 2020 has invoked. It makes me want to punch people and that, while satisfying, is just not conducive to forward progress. I am just so tired of fighting the same damned argument we have had as a nation since 1864, please stop. It's boring.

My hopes are simple, A future where everyone, regardless of anything, gets to participate in society.

Where people are not, oppressed, jailed, beaten or killed for the color of their skin or the flavor of their gender. if we can just get that part right,  maybe we have a chance at the rest.

My wish for Peace to you all

Life in the time of corona

We have been locked down in our home since march 6th , except for occasional carry out dinners and grocery trips.

While I realize I am lucky nay privileged enough, to have to have a property big enough that there are enough things to do to keep busy. I also have a lovely stash that I have picked up over the years, for my many hobbies and a few dozen books that I haven't read yet.

I must confess to not wanting to do any of it.

Things I have found difficult to do? At first, everything.

It has gotten better over time, I can bully myself into finishing things I started before the lock-down happened but it is not a satisfying finish.

I confess to having an overall mental malaise that keeps me from enjoying this new life.

It's aggravating.

I have all the time in the world to do the things I love doing, My dear darling Husband is here for every meal and at hand for any consultation I may need, while he works from home.

Another Privilege!

I find myself chiding my soft whinging. I have become a spoiled brat, complaining of boredom, surrounded by her wealth of toys.

I'm laughing now. silly rabbit. getting that all out even if it is only to you all, makes me feel better.

Because you see, I know I am not the only one. I know there are others out there who are having a hard time. Who cant concentrate, who can't motivate. Who probably can't even get up the energy to clean the house because  I did it already, I'm bored, or whatever. I'm here to tell you, It's OK.

Really!

It is!

This time we have been forcibly given is full of aggravating, horrible, senseless and ridiculous news.

Some of us are hurting in other ways too. It's OK to not be able to wrap you head around it all. It's bewildering, crazy making and exhausting! Its OK if you don't know what to do, to comfort yourself by making tea and staring out the window. We are all in this together, at different levels, apart but we can still comfort each-other by being, if not present, at least out there, trying to get through another day of weird

uncomfortable news, staring at the parts of our latest project or out the window.

Keeping others safe by not making the problem worse.

Wash your hands, wear a mask, stay home, be safe, make a cuppa.

I'll be here, while you are there. 

Confession in the time of corona virus

I need to confess something, I have gotten nothing much done, since march.

That's not entirely true I have gotten a few small projects done, they were mostly in flight already and finishing them was fairly easy. There are more of those kinds of things in progress.

You know the kind if thing I'm talking about, those UFOs that you put away because they got boring or some new shiny thing grabbed your attention away and you forgot about, it found it later, then put it away, because you were on a roll with something else. And masks, lots of masks.

I am finding it hard to get motivated to do much of anything, since march and that, bugs me.

I feel like I am using this Pandemic lock down, as an excuse to loaf around the house feeling.....

What, exactly?

Anxious? Yes, I'm in the "youngish but" category, with underlying conditions and older family members with core issues, so, we are staying home until there is a vaccine, no matter how long that takes.

My DDH is able to work from home so we are fine financially. Our home dynamic has changed but not by too much, in fact its been lovely to have lunch together every day.

Overwhelmed? Yes but, I read as many peer reviews as I can and listen to the experts, a little common sense, stay home, wash hands, wear a mask, etc.

 

Stressed? Probably, I have children in their 20's who are out in the world doing their thing and I worry about their safety, We haven't been able to hug each other or be close and that has been a strain on all of us. When this one needs a talk or that one needs comfort, they come to mom. From 6' apart on the porch, it's hard to comfort but at least I can see them, talk with them, smile at them, so its not all bad.

Tired? Yes, strangely listless. I feel drained by every new news story, every conversation, every intrusion on my peace. It's all too much, I am tired of it. I used to listen to the radio on NPR and the news nightly to keep abreast of the world and now, I can't. This is not a new phenomenon for me it's been, since this last election, i just cant listen to another broadcast of "What has he said now!" I just can't. Keeping up with it is exhausting and frustrating because these people should know better, BE better than this.

Frightened? No, not really. This isn't the dark ages or even the turn of the century. Medicine has gotten so advanced, we can cure so many things now that would have seemed like miracles 100 years ago. I read history, historical fiction and we are so spoiled now-a-days! Mothers rarely die in childbirth any more, Most childhood diseases are curable with vaccines so most of our kids reach adulthood, barring something catastrophic. We have, for the most part better access to better food and we live longer more productive lives than ever before in history, so in many respects we are blessed to live now.

I've been reading up on my history of this country,  not what we learned in school, the real history of America. The stuff you only learn when you hit graduate school and you have to dig.

There have been so many turning points in this country where, we should have done better but went the greedy path instead because it was either easy, expedient or racist. We are only taught the good parts of our history, in school and it's important to know the mistakes too, how they impact and inform the future.

Angry? Oh yes! Very! This could have been prepared for, was prepared for, by the previous administration only to be dismantled and swept away thoughtlessly by what has to be the most corrupt administration since Nixon. I will not blame the whole thing on one man, because for a screw up this big, there had to be a committee! The whole stinking thing has become rotten. I'm still deciding if it's like cheese, where you can cut off the bad bits and it's still good underneath or fish. Rotten to the core and we must throw the whole thing away. I've been leaning towards fish.

So anyway, Going back to my original sentence before it got out of hand, I was feeling guilty for not doing much in the way of quilting, but it looks like I have been doing more than, "just moping around the house." I have been deeply thinking about life. It just looks like not much, but is in fact, work.

If you are at all interested

Reading list:

Heather cox Richardson -   How the south won the civil war

                                            How to make men free

                                            The death of reconstruction                    

she also has a video lecture series on facebook, you can look her up by name, I highly recommend it        

Howard Zinn - The peoples history of the United States

James Baldwin - The fire next time

Dee Brown - Bury my heart at Wounded Knee

Daniel Dennett - Darwin's dangerous Idea

                            Breaking the spell

Dealing with life in the time of carona

That's all we need, right, a way of doing things. A way to think or behave, until we have more information so we can improve, the way we think and behave.
Something that has always made it easier for me to create, is to think of a person I am creating for, or the story I am trying to tell.    I have always been good at telling myself stories, of finding a fabric or a bead or a picture, that triggers something and I can see what it will become.
It is an integral part of my creative process and my stories have dried up.

All this uncertainty in the world, the dangerous, not danger, we all seem to be in. The News reporting, with its constant reiteration of what we have already heard, might be peppered with some new fact but it just as well might be the same as yesterday.
The constant pronouncements of, "Nah! It'll all blow over and we can get back to normal, tomorrow!" Coming from a WH, where we have been programmed to think the best news comes from and is right now betraying our trust in it, on a daily basis. Is only adding to the uncertainty we all feel.
The worry that our loved ones might get this and they might die but maybe not.
We now all live in a Schrödinger world

I know the science behind this Novel Corona virus. I understand it is brand spanking new and we have no immunity to it, which is why we should be taking all the precautions we are taking.
I also understand how, in this day and age, we feel we as a society have progressed so far, our science is so advanced, we should have come together and fixed this by now, right?
I mean whats the use of all this advanced technology, if we cant just whip up a cure at a moments notice?  TV cop shows and Hospital dramas tell us daily DNA analysis and labs come back within the hour and the crime or disease is solved, by the end of the show. Magic!

 And there is probably where we get all caught up in, what we think we know, about how science works. MAAAAP! No. That is TV science, there for the entertainment of you so our heroes keep you coming back, week after week. Real science takes time.
Real science it hit or miss, mostly miss. If we are very lucky and some much smarter than I am person, hits on the solution, It will still be months before there is a solution. Any pie-in-the-sky reporting or pontificating from the podium on a daily basis o0, will only make you more anxious than you need to be.

Right now our monkey brains are overloaded with, Danger, Danger, Danger Will Robinson!
And we are all quietly panicking about ourselves, our loved ones, our friends and our world and there is nothing we can really do about it. Because as advanced as we have become and as smart as we all are, with the amazing technology we have at our finger tips. We are still just monkey's.

So after all that what is my solution? How do we stop the panic? How do we cope with this new scary world? My way might not be your way but I go find something else to pay attention to.
Something not news.
Since I cant seem to find the brain-space to read or sew, I garden, clean the house, again.
Listen to music, I watch TV or waste time on you tube. I try to give myself a break from the nagging at the back of my head that keeps telling me, I'm not doing anything useful or worthwhile.
Mostly because none of us are doing anything useful or worthwhile either, it kinda takes some of the edge off not creating. So give your monkey brain a rest, and give yourself a break.
After all when was the last time you were told you could help save the world, by staying home, doing nothing?

Life in quarentine or for my own mental health

I may not post for a while. Anyone who is a regular here knows this happens from time to time, when I get overwhelmed with other things to do or loose the mojo to do. It's a thing with me.
I battle with a mild form of Anxiety and depression that I don't tend to advertise because people (not you guy's, you're great!) are judgey. I just don't want you al to worry if I drop off for an extended period. I'm OK. I hope you all are OK too.

When life gets overwhelming I self-isolate (convenient, no?) and retreat into the things that make me feel better. I sew and binge-watch, or garden or read. I have cultivated many, many hobbies to cope with being overloaded emotionally or mentally.
I think we can all agree the news lately is worth a bit of whelming.

I try to keep politics and religion out of my blog but it seeps in from time to time, again those of you who come here often, pretty much know my proclivities. I am an Atheist Leftist.
I have received a few comments that I have erased for being nasty and hurtful. I don't expect everyone to agree with me and I don't expect everyone to fall in lockstep, with every idea I espouse.
I can handle dissent and I welcome debate but there is no space here for abuse.

Funny, how people who accuse you of being a snowflake, that can't handle a different opinion are the first ones to rant and rave when you challenge their beliefs. I have no place for that in my life anymore. My step-father was abusive in many horrible ways and my ex was a narcissist so I have done this already, I won't allow it here.

I apologize to anyone for whom I have offended with language or ideology but I will warn you all

That Is Who I AM

I do swear like a sailor, (and if you think I'm, bad you should hear my mother) though I do try to tamp it down in public.
I will speak my mind and it won't always be politically correct.
And if someone deserves it, I will tell you why you are incorrect and why I think this.
I like a good discussion on many subjects, a bit of argumentation is OK but the minute people stop listening to each other you are no longer in a discussion, that is the minute the discussion ends.
I refuse to apologize for being myself, I did that for 45 years. I'll not be doing that anymore.

I felt the need to get all that out into the world of my blog.

More thoughts-It gets better?

Yeah, life as we know it has gotten very simple and very complicated at the same time, so we are in a pattern of waiting. Waiting is hard on a human. Anticipation even worse. Then you throw in uncertainty in government and you get a witches brew of antsy unhappy people second guessing every decision and snapping at who's left at home.

I have said this before and it bears repeating, I am afraid of my government. Before even when I hated who was in charge and I knew they were wrong, there also seemed to be enough people out there who had our back, who would stand and be counted, who would be that voice of reason.
While yes, we have those voices out there now, there seems to be less of them, more muted this time, less strident.  The government, more unhinged and willing to throw the country away, remake it in their short-sighted, self-centered image, full stop.

The deluge of contradictory information coming out of the government and the media does not help anything. I worry now that saner heads will not prevail. That those with selfish agendas will lean toward those with religious agendas and create an evil, to potent to put down by simply voting it out. The fault lines this time are not as clear as north and south, they are muddy, sneaky and deep.

Those in charge talk but I am watching what they do and it is at odds with what they say.

And now we are all stuck in our homes and that same government is trying their damnedest to take what they can, while we are distracted. The DOJ wants to strip us of habeas corpus so they can throw who they want in a deep dark hole with no recourse. The senate is trying to fleece the taxpayer of hundreds of billions with no oversight, under the auspices of "relief" but the wording  blocks us from knowing, to whom they will give it

Local municipalities are begging the government for aid and being told, to fix it themselves, when the resources to do so, are still locked up under control of a wh unwilling to cede it. Its the equivalent of telling someone, to fix a bridge and then locking the tools in a shed.

It is no longer a case of could we/should we. It is a case of we can but we won't. It is become evil. Malevolent and if it was unconscionable before, it has become untenable now.

With us all stuck in our homes and Isolated. To the worriers amongst us who know, not only history in general but our own in particular, this is a very uncomfortable place to be.
To strident a call to action sounds crazy, like an over reaction, to those who still trust that the government has rules. To little and we are in the same uncomfortable place, only sharper because our conscience will not willingly let us be silent for long.

We know the government is taking advantage, we understand the stakes, we are trying to fix the bridge with out the tools, we simply don't know what else to do.

These were my thoughts last week, I didn't post them because I thought, wow, that's too dark.
Too depressing in a time when we are all, probably, at least leaning towards depression.
But do I feel any better this week? Well, good question. What has changed in a week.

The president has become, yet again an international embarrassment and a domestic impediment.
I am no more inclined to trust the government, than I was a week ago. The republicans are showing us, in vivid detail, the depth of their contempt for the average american. When they show you who they are, believe them. Key democrats are a glimmer of hope and have managed to pull an emergency bill out of the pork fat but how long will their spine last?

Several Governors are being the leaders that we need. Loudly proclaiming their willingness to do what is necessary, despite the financial consequences.  They are the soldiers on the ground for this battle. They are the ones we should listen to. "All politics are local" or so the saying goes. And since we have no help coming from the big G government, we must look to the little g. This makes the scope of all this a little more easy to comprehend, maybe.

I am still pessimistic but the fatality of it seems to have passed. Still locked in, same as everyone else.
Trying to look at things in a more, what I have, as opposed to what I haven't.

So my advice, if you are feeling helpless and claustrophobic is, do something. Even if you have a million and 10 backlog of old projects that need finishing. Start something new.
A new project always makes me feel better. It's full of possibilities. Pulling things out of your stash to coordinate, picking a pattern, working on it and that feeling of accomplishment, when it is done.

I challenge you all out there who read this, go do something new.
It doesn't have to be big, in fact start small. Do something that can be done in a day, a table runner, a pin cushion, a needle book.  Just give yourself a kick-start.
Then you can go do one of those many UFO's, you have laying around.
I want you to feel that "I have accomplished something" good feeling.

Life in the time of Corona Virus

It seems we are all headed to the same place for a time, confined to our domiciles in fear of the virus now sweeping our country. I am fortunate in that  live in a more rural area and getting out of the house for a walk and some fresh air is easy, peasy. I also have plenty of projects to keep me busy from quilting and other crafts to getting the garden ready and a spring clean (Oh no!) if absolutely necessary.

I understand being mewed up at home seems an untenable situation right about now but we have all sorts of newfangled things we can do and share, from our public libraries to virtual garden and museum tours. Social media has made it so much easier to share with family and friends and keep in touch.

So instead of struggling against our shackles and railing against the tyranny of A shelter in place order, we all take stock of what we have been putting off because we didn't have the time to do  it before.

 Maybe time to catch up on all those books I buy and never have enough time to read.
Or all the project books I collect and never seem to have enough time to do.
All the stash I accumulate and never seem to use.
All the movies we have to watch and never seem to get around to.
All the chores around the house that never seem to get done.
It seems I have a plethora of things to keep me occupied.

So why do I feel this urge to break out and run away?
It might be the little rebel in me that hates to follow the rules.
That chafes at the whole idea of a mandatory confinement.
Its that mental thing we do as humans in which it is fine for us to stay at home doing nothing but binge watch the newest tv show but the minute someone tell us "YOU MUST" we all revolt in a fit of "You aren't the boss of me!" like the 5 year old, we still sometimes are.

I'm a homebody at the best of times and spend much of my time in solitude, not speaking to anyone other than the cats. So this is not all that different than a normal day, for me. Other than the addition of my dear husband, who no longer needs me to take him to the bus every morning or be picked up at night. We spend our days in not dissimilar ways from before the virus came to town.

I think we are lucky in that. Those who's lives are busier with Children, friends and family may have a much harder time with the solitude of Quarantine.

We are all in the same boat here, piecing together the what and how from available information has become easier and at the same time difficult because of our media and social networks. not to mention the conflicting and erroneous information coming from the government who is supposed to have a handle o this and so very apparently does not.

I have no answers either, only suggestions. Listen to the experts the scientists and epidemiologists, they say this will get better if we all stay home and limit our interactions with others.
It may go against every doer and shaker out there but it is what has worked for china which is on the other side of this so far.

Introverts unite! Separately in your own homes!

Be well my friends

Post show rant explaining my previous rant.

I feel the need to add an addendum to my quilt show rant.

It seems I may have come off as, a self involved snooty know-it-all. I'm not, mostly. I will cop to excessive, research, study and immersion into and of all the various and sundry techniques that I use till I can teach them to others, which I also do a bit of.
I am passionate about CQ though and think it's a shame, when we get lumped into a mega category, that doesn't really adequately cover our craft. Even worse when we have 2 or 3 categories that overlap. It leads to confusion and hurt artistic feelings. (que the swooning, hankie waiving and pearl clutching here.) We end up being pitted against, Perfectly lovely, quilts that use maybe 2 of the dozen or so techniques we would.
Am I whinging? Yes, that could be. To be fair this IS a relatively new (this was their 4th year) show and they probably didn't even think CQ might possibly need it's own category. I also think this show might be open to new ideas, so there is that. They are a baby show, even though they are gaining in popularity and recognition.

I don't mean in any way that, the judges didn't give me a fair shake, they did.
Their comments are invaluable! the quilts they chose were beautiful works of craftsmanship.
But I can't ignore the fact that our little corner of the universe is regularly passed over for consideration, And this is my opinion, garnered over many years from many quilt shows from many people who know.
I think its because Crazy quilts are such a niche art and those of us who practice this art are in a constant state of learning and research. We challenge ourselves, constantly, to new exciting techniques to throw at our "hobby" (I know I do!) so that our pieces are not only crammed full, of visual goodies but they end up being very personal and intimidating.
I don't think the average judge has an adequate frame of reference or time to spend to look deeper at one piece, with completely different criteria, when the vast majority of work can be more easily assessed.

Notice I say average. Real judges tend not towards the average BUT, and its a big but, when you have 300+ quilts to judge in a day how much time can you really spend per piece? Then there is the the fact that 95% of quilts in a show are some flavor of, mostly traditional quilt, you begin to see the conundrum.
My quilts were the only CQ in an international show of 300+. I get the getting picky about the flat and the straight. I will know better next time.
Doesn't mean I'm not chafed my babies got passed over for some perfect, beautifully, pieced, flat, straight ( I could have cut myself on the corners!) but ultimately Machine Embroidered (!!!!) nicely quilted in all the accepted ways, quilt.  I admired it for its perfection.  It deserved the ribbon it got. 
I'm not chafed at all, we got passed over for MACHINE EMBROIDERY, (humeh!) no really I'm not. 
Much. 
OK, maybe a little. 

The more we get out there the more CQ gets recognized as it's own special, Individual craft, The more opportunities to show what we can do, and be rewarded for it, the more people will put their stuff out there. why show it, if you get lumped in with an amorphous blob of a category, that overlooks what you want looked at in the first place? There are places that do this much better than other places. Here at lest one does have to hunt-and-peck shows. We are lousy with them but they all have their quirks.

Am I being unfair to the judges? I don't think so. I do truly appreciate the comments that they left me.  I needed that constructive criticism. That was the point of having my pieces judged in the first place. I do need to take more time making sure my quilts are flat and straight. ALL my quilts. 
I don't do a great job there at the best of times and by the time I get to the binding, I'm sick of looking at it and having it done is better than having it perfect. So yes, more attention paid there if I'm going to waste someones time, having it judged.
Do I think shows need to have a specific category for CQ, weather or not they get any? Yes, yes I do. 
Do I understand, that if I bring this issue to the attention of the committee, I will be volunteered for the position of CQ inspector? Maybe, there are more qualified people out there surely, there have to be! I'm just some opinionated schmuck from po-dunk Washington.  Though I am willing to go get training, to be qualified. DO I want to be that somebody, there's the real question. I'm an introvert by nature, I think I deal well with others but I'd rather not have to. I just don't like crowds.
I know the time effort and skill, that goes into coordinating this sort of thing, has got to be enormous! And goes largely unappreciated when it goes off without a hitch, which this one did. Impressively.


I do think we need to get more out there, take the chance, put our precious CQ pieces on display, in all their overworked dripping in embellishments, visually overwhelming glory! 
Even if they are not perfection, even if they (the judges) nitpick over the unimportant (my opinion) Flat straight parts of our quilts. Even if, our pieces are just, a tiny square. Hey, we put months into that square!
We need to advocate for our craft. Even though we are but a tiny % of the community. 


 

Everette Quilt show

I was putting it off but now it's here and I am having a serious bout of WHADIDIDooo!
I have entered 4 of my crazy quilts in the Everette quilt show this weekend, April 25th-27th.

 

I am to be judged and I am nervous! Will this be good? bad? will no one notice?

why do I feel like I'm going out on my first date on live tv? Oh and I'm 14 again. UGH!
I do this as a challenge to myself. One doesn't know if one is any god until you go out and show other people right? the worst they can say is, Meh. Right?

What is going on when I'm not busy sewing

Sun room cabinets

We just bought my MIL a trailer, in the 55+ park,

down the hill from us. As she has expressed a desire to nEver live through another Chicago winter!
Its a basic trailer nicely laid out with a sun room in the front, moving into the kitchen to the living room down a hall with, 2 bedrooms and a bath. A nice little cozy nest, for an 87+ year old lady, to putter in.
Close to shops/doctors and transit to get around or us to drive her and it puts her a mere mile away instead of the 2010, in case she needs us.

The trailer park is snuggled into a nice wooded space, with manicured walks between trailers and a waterfall! Very pretty and very clean. I've even met a few of the neighbors, in the process of cleaning up.  I think Mom will like it here.

*WARNING!* 

*RANT IN PROGRESS!*

Kitchen cleaning in progress

My youngest DD and I have spent the better part of 5 days cleaning the sucker out.

Bless her fuzzy little soul, for helping out with her step-grannies new place.

The husband/wife we bought the trailer from, seem to have never heard of the concept of cleaning under/around/behind things, or in fact to have ever moved anything TO clean.

DD#2 washing walls and a wood stove!

Not that they left much behind except a few things scattered in random drawers, which you would expect, the dirt on the walls, shelves and that old "cooked chicken" smell, in the fridge, which I didn't.
Owing to the assiduousness with which the wife sprayed fabreez EVERYWHERE.

I now understand why. *deep sigh*

How does one get rid of thAt smell?
That smelly, smell. That smells,.........smelly.

ugh. 

View from the hall

Though It took most of the day the Fridge is now clean and free of the crusted on dry "stuff" that was under/between the holders for the glass shelves. Yeccchhh!

Then there was the christmas wrapping paper and in one case, part of an old pick-nick cloth, with the fuzzy side elmers glued to the shelves!

The stovehood has been HOT GLUED o0! in places,
there is that expanding foamy stuff under both the kitchen and bathroom sinks

Oh! your taking the picture now? Really?

and the "new" shower surround has been repaired with caulk. o.0!

I expected a degree of deep cleaning was gong to be in order and a bit of things that need to be fixed, It is a 45 year old trailer after all.

But not having to scrub down the walls/ceiling of the cruft of years!

You know your in trouble, when the walls change color as you clean.
When the pine-sol your using makes runnels that are a different shade of grey from the one you are currently working on,  Eeeeew!

Did I mention they had 2 yappy dogs and a parakeet? No? Well they left us Something too in the way of a few feathers and enough dog hair,  dug so deep into the carpet and the rugs they left behind, to make another dog.

ThAnk goodness for the rug cleaner we got, years ago, to tackle the 20 year old carpeting in our own house!

Bedroom #1 small

I used 2 bottles of carpet cleaner on what amounts to 4 rooms of carpeting.
And I still have to vacuum one more time, to get rid of the dog balls left behind by the carpet cleaner.


This all amounts to what my Ex-hubbs used to call "Turkey-bird" engineering and has me muttering dire things under my breath.

All that being said, It's still a very nice trailer.

I would live in it.

Having had to clean a myriad of apartments in Chicago before moving into them this one was a 3. On a scale of, 1 being very clean to 5 being, OMG! fuck you people!

So all in al not too bad.

Sorry for the rant but I needed to vent,

Bedroom #2

or I'd explode all over someone who, probably won't deserve it.

This is when you start sizing up all the things you don't "get around to"at home and just how much does it bother you that you've never cleaned behind/around/under that?
I have come to the conclusion that other peoples dirt bothers me way more than mine

and Id rather sew.

A tale of woe

Juncos drinking from runoff

From a balmy 65* Hawaiian night to slippy snowing streets at 28*, nahugngh.
Off the plane, I was wearing what I left home in, socks, ballet shoes, clam digger jeans, a tank, a t-shirt, 2 sweaters and a scarf, mind when we left, it was 55* and raining.
You know normal Seattle weather.

What we came home to

Seatac IS NOT heated, we were on the red eye, (11pm to 7am, I am NOT doing that again) so we got  next to no sleep, and to complete my personal misery, I got my period. (Fme)
Apparently I was being punished for something I did earlier, I don't know what that could be but something I've done pissed off Karma.

Driveway after new snow

To top off the hilarity our ride was 1.5 hours late to pick us up at the airport, they overslept! -.- 
We came home to snow, lots of snow, 2 whole storms worth, which was fun getting through as no, they don't use salt on the roads, they use sand (because environment!). 

Seattle really doesn't have the equipment to deal with this white stuff and as they get a snow storm like this maybe once every 3-5 years it's understandable. 

Mostly it rains. When we do get snow, it rains and melts away by the next day, no worries.

After the new snow

It doesn't linger or get colder, get mashed down into grey slush at the side of the road and freeze into a sheet of ice like its doing now. 


That's for you flat lander, midwest folks.

From the neighbors yard

  went to check something in the garage and tried to open the car door, it was locked so had to trudge back to the house (omg) find the keys, trudge back, woop the car open, no.

 Battery is dead. 

Not your click, click I'm unhappy dead either, dead, dead nothin' dead.

well heck (and other words best left floating in the friged air)

Neighbors tree from our yard

Even if we could have gotten out of our garage, the day we got home, we'd at that point gotten 9" of snow. 

We couldn't have even gotten out of the driveway as there is this Enormous hedge that runs about 30' alonside it and It decided to fall over as well.
There is also a little dip and a rise at the end

where they have over-paved the road so many times, its about a foot higher than the driveway.
If there is even a hint of ice and you stop for cross traffic, you're stuck.

sacrificial tree

The next day, as Adam was taking snaps of all the picturesque scenery in the backyard after yet another snow storm that gave us almost 20" of snow, 
there was a loud pop, rip and a bang of the tree next door 
taking out one of our trees across from it, the power lines to the garage and two of our neighbors behind us. *sigh*

 Then joy of joys, another of our trees decided to give up its burden of snow and ice build up, fell over and was only stopped from falling into the driveway by yet another tree, which will now have to be sacrificed this spring.

 On the bright side the overly engineered birdbath survived! 

driveway and the Hungry hedge

We spent all day yesterday chainsawing the danger tree so it wouldn't cause any further damage and destruction.
Today we woke up to a sloppy wet mess of melting everything. 

 If were lucky it will all melt before the next storm comes in and turns us into a ice rink, then dumps snow on top, just to make it more fun.


 On the plus side the sun is out and the willow tree is sparkling at me from all the prismatic ice chips in its branches, very pretty.

There is a family of at least 25 Juncos in the backyard. Where they came from and what they are after is beyond me but I've never seen so many at once.
So many in fact, they are chasing off the stellars jays and the squirrels, so lots of noise as they all duke it out.

Not ready to give up yet!

So as we can't get out of our garage to shop I have appealed to a very kind neighbor with 4 wheel drive who has very nicely volunteered to take us to the cosco to stock up next time they go, blessings be upon them!
Last night I was able to bum a ride from DD#2's boyfriend, who's mom has a jeep. Who got me to the grocery and back, for fresh veg and eggs so we we're not living off meat with a side of meat.
other than that everything good!

If you are wondering why we shut down for 7"of snow imagine San Fransisco, all those lovely big rolling hills, now imagine it with snow. Yes, we have LA worthy hills! 
Fun for driving sideways on ice, so mostly we stay home.  
No point in giving emergency services more to do.